Dear love, I do want to come towards you despite the obstacles that are in the way. I know that it is going to be a bumpy road if I come towards you so I have been deceptive and hiding my emotions from you. I am scared to come towards you because I feel like it will be an uphill battle to have this new beginning that I desire. Lately I have been doing a ton of self reflecting and thinking about our connection and as much as I desire you, I want to do things the right way so I have been very guarded. I do feel you are a very independent woman who has it all together but I feel like you are juggling a lot in life right now. I do not know how you hold it together and keep things moving. You are like the most amazing woman I have ever seen. You are very alluring to me and I feel that you are very admirable by others. I know you have other options and it makes me feel very defeated when it comes to us. I know that I keep holding on to something that is not serving me anymore but this will come to an end eventually. I have codependency issues and this has been hard for me to let go of. I really feel that you are somebody that I could share love with and I want you to know, I feel the exact same way you do about me. You probably think I don't care but that is not true. I really want a new beginning in love but I have been doing everything in my power to keep my current Foundation stable. Eventually this is going to break apart for me and force me to come out of my ego and realization that I cannot live like this anymore. I cry a lot because I know I am living a life that I do not even enjoy all because I feel like I need to do the right thing. My actions towards you don't match my morals or beliefs so I have backed away. I am sorry for being toxic and manipulative towards you, you did not deserve this. I am very addicted to you though and you truly do make me happy. I am actually very obsessed with you despite how I behave. You are so good to me and so nurturing to me and I have given you nothing but bread crumbs which has caused regret.
You have always taking care of me and made sure I was okay. I now see that I need to give back to you and I want to come back in with a new beginning and offer. I just feel like we are both growing spiritually which is making me feel more drawn towards you. You are addicting like a magnet. A new beginning is coming for us and my emotions for you are growing every single day. I want to leave my current life and come towards you with a new beginning but right now, this is all just something I daydream about. I feel very defeated with my life because I am fearful that you would reject me, you are so independent. I don't even match up to you and what you can accomplish. I want to come in with passion and sweep you off your feet and show you what you truly deserve but I am fearful of the conflict that may come along with it, I am lacking strength. I come in for a while and then I back away, then I come in and I back away I am seeing that I have been doing this. I also feel that you are pushing me away the more I do this. This childish energy that I have been having towards you needs to come to an end and I know it does. I need to quit acting like this and quit being a little boy, I also need to get over my codependency issues so that I can give you the offer you desire. I really want to reconcile with you but I need to have my stability first or I just don't have the offer for you. I will get there eventually it's just that I have so much heavy burdens in my life but it's going to take me a while to get through in order to come towards you. I really feel like I am going to break because I feel like I am walking on eggshells in my life, the unhappiness is getting to me. I use manipulation to get my way through life and hold on to my current situation. I am an ass hole for this and need to grow up. I know I probably tell you I am happy but I am very miserable. I don't know why I use manipulation to get myself through life but it seems to be working for now. Eventually all of my deception will catch up to me and I won't be able to avoid the conflict anymore. Meanwhile, I know that I am risking you because eventually you are going to get sick of waiting. I honestly don't blame you but it scares me. Nobody should have to wait in life for anything and I am sorry for everything that I have done to you.
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